walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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