Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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