so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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