can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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