After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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