You're earring is so big in my mouth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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