..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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