Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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