You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am available for nakedness
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