I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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