If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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