dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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