also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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