I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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