i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize