My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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