If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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