Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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