i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm like, not good at living.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize