I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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