So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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