ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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