how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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