Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just gargled with NyQuil
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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