tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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