I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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