I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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