sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I want is dick and wine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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