hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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