I think I won the penis lottery.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
whose parrot is this?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize