Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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