i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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