I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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