Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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