i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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