even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize