FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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