I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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