He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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