Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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