i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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