Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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