But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize