she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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