Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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