You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize