Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize