it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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