Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize