when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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